Real Life Stories
Family Harmony
"Really I did it for myself so I could better cope with my feelings of anxiety, shame, and overwhelm but the difference in my dogs and everyone else in my life has been huge."
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My dog Dylan has always been a sensitive, anxious and easily over-aroused boy. Over the years I explored various ways to help him, from nutrition to partnership, and also ways to help myself as my own anxiety had greatly increased since he'd been in my life. After a few years we managed to settle into a nice routine and I felt comfortable enough to bring a deaf puppy into our home. However, Angel was a full on, bold pup and Dylan was terrified of him. For everyone's safety I kept them apart in the house thinking it would only be for a short time.
At first Dylan would lunge and bite Angel through the gates but we found a routine where both boys felt safe enough to live separately together. This continued for 3 years until we all felt comfortable enough to start going out on family walks, which led to the boys spending some time together in the house and eventually they were fine to be supervised most of the time. But on occasion Dylan still, seemingly "out of the blue", would lunge and pin Angel to the floor growling. I knew that Dylan didn't intend to hurt Angel but I was terrified what would happen if Angel decided to fight back one day.
Most of the time everyone else seemed so happy that the dogs were finally living together but I was holding my breath and anxious every time they both came near me. I was also still feeling trapped and resentful because they couldn't be left alone in the house. I sometimes still wondered if I'd made a mistake in bringing Angel home, and felt that if I'd done things differently in the beginning we wouldn't be in such a mess.
I had tried so hard for so long to do the right thing by everyone and was left believing that I was probably the cause of all the tension and upset. This is where we were when I decided to take on the Creatrix journey. Really I did it for myself so I could better cope with my feelings of anxiety, shame, and overwhelm but the difference in my dogs and everyone else in my life has been huge.
After the first few sessions I was no longer scared of having both boys with me, and when they did have a "scuffle" I was able to watch calmly and just knew it would be okay. I didn't interfere and they broke up after a few seconds and both came away loose and relaxed which had never happened before. Without my added tension and interference the boys were able to set their own boundaries and begin a new relationship. It did take some time, and the dynamics have completely changed, but I was now there to support them in working things out. In fact I am so much more available to them all the time now and we are closer than ever.
Dylan hasn't lunged at Angel in months and is a lot calmer generally. I think a lot of pressure has been taken off his shoulders too. It took Angel a bit longer to trust Dylan, and he did try and control where Dylan could and couldn't go for a while. But since I did the Self Esteem Reset he has relaxed and they both communicate beautifully now.
Both boys have always had some anxiety when left alone but now they are settled if not exactly happy to be home alone together.
Creatrix was a huge leap of faith for me but has turned out to be one of the best decisions I've made. I had no idea going in that it would change all areas of my life for the better. And perhaps most importantly, rather than being anxious and overwhelmed at home, I am relaxed, happy, and just love being with both my boys.
Emotional Regulation
"She was just reflecting my messiness. The more I observed, the more I could see that she is just reflecting my emotions and responding according to my actions. She was my mirror, and I didn’t particularly like what I saw. She was so in tune with me, that it was almost painful."
My life was almost perfect. I had finally settled in my hometown. I had just moved to a nice new place. I had a job I loved, the one I had always wanted. I was surrounded by people I loved, and they loved me back. I had just finished my PhD, and suddenly I had a lot of free time that needed to be filled with something. So, I decided it’s time for a dog.
That is how Flo came into my life. I had had dogs before, but this cute little ball of energy was the smartest puppy I had ever met. She learned new tricks in seconds. Two, three repetitions, and she nailed them. I had big plans for us. We were going to be the best team ever, partners in crime. We were going to be together all the time and enjoy life to the fullest. I wanted to make everything right, so we joined puppy classes. And she rocked it there too…
However, she didn’t like kids, church bells, people running, or scooters, skateboards, rollerblades, … and she was rather violently expressing her thoughts about them. Besides, she kept following our cat (who lost 2 kilos in the first two months just because he was watching her) constantly, and she was very determined to show other dogs they had to respect her rules. What is more, she hardly ever slept and barked at all strange sounds from outside.
And just like that, my life turned upside down. She was causing me trouble, so I had to train her, right? She was just a little dog. How hard could it be? Well, it turned out it wasn’t simple. We changed five trainers and tried several different training methods. Some worked, some didn’t, but none of them really had a long-term effect. I was stuck with this dog I couldn’t really trust, so I had to control her all the time. This became even more evident when we started training herding. It was impossible to stop her. She would run and run and run and make the sheep crazy. And me. And my trainer. Two trainers said to me she is useless, and we should stop with herding because she just doesn’t have 'it' in her. One also added that it is a pity, but she is just too stupid.
I felt desperate. Besides herding, we couldn’t do much else. We couldn’t really walk in the city; we couldn’t do agility (it was just too much for her), but she had all this energy that needed to be burned. I just didn’t like her anymore. Life was so much better before she came. Still, I learned so much about dogs and myself because of her. I was never going to give up!
Then I found partnership, and I stopped almost all the activities and all the training. Suddenly she became a different dog. Happier, much more responsive, and she finally started stopping at herding when asked. Clearly, she was not as messed up as I (and others) thought. She was just reflecting my messiness. The more I observed, the more I could see that she is just reflecting my emotions and responding according to my actions. She was my mirror, and I didn’t particularly like what I saw. She was so in tune with me, that it was almost painful. My feelings for her changed. I realized I loved her so much, despite everything. I started understanding she was having a hard time, therefore we started avoiding all the triggers. Life became good. We both calmed down, and we became happy. As intended from the beginning.
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Until one day, when a guy on a bicycle almost ran us over in the middle of the forest. We both got scared to death, and Flo nipped his trousers. After that, she became reactive to the bikes too. Soon after, in one unfortunate moment, her collar broke, and she bit a little girl on a bike. It was probably the worst moment of my life. The girl wasn’t badly injured. There was no blood, but my world fell apart anyway. We were back in the beginning. Everything we so carefully built was gone. There was no safe place for us anymore. Bikes were just everywhere. But we were still alive, so we had to go on somehow, although our world shrank a little more again. I was again trying to find ways to make us safe and happy.
When Sue presented Creatrix for the first time, my first response was: “Whaaat??? No way! I am not messed up like that. I don’t think I am not good enough, or sad or worried. Hey, look at me. I am great. Ok. Maybe not perfect. I have this crazy dog, but we all have challenges, right? I am fine.”
Still, I was secretly aware of these fears I had. For example, even when walking around alone, I kept noticing all Flo’s triggers, and I could feel reactions to them in my body. Yes, I was having physical reactions to them, even though I knew I was safe. This was insane! Even if I walked another dog, I would unconsciously make a circle around something Flo was afraid of even though the dog I was walking was not.
So, I started this program anyway. What a life-changing decision that was! It surely didn’t bring what I expected! It brought so much more! Suddenly, I am walking around being aware of all these feelings and emotions. I am able to recognize them and decide what I want to do with them. There comes a bike. My heart starts racing, and I feel a knot in my stomach. OK. This is fear! My mind starts looping: “What if…” OK. This is worry which is turning into anxiety. I don’t need this right now. I know what to do… And Flo follows my lead, and we are ok. She may bark or not. It doesn’t matter. She is always so honest with her emotions and so am I now. I don’t pretend or get upset because of them. We got afraid, but we are ok now. All is good.
And then somebody at work does or says something that is just not right. I can feel how all my blood rushes up to the head, and I am just about to say something bad, but then I remember: “Hey, that’s anger.” And I am already calming down, thinking about better ways to communicate what is needed to solve the issue in the moment. I can’t be angry if I know that I am angry. Therefore, everything resolves much more efficiently and way less dramatically.
I can’t believe how much time and energy I waste on small unimportant things.
Besides, I am now realizing my life was not almost perfect before I got Flo. This sensitive dog came into my life and rushed right through the carefully built-up walls I created to protect myself from showing how vulnerable and insecure I really am. She knocked them down before I even realized what was happening, and I didn’t like that. I was fighting against it, and I was trying really hard to fix the walls by fixing her. But she kept pressing up and showing me different ways. Until with a little help and honest, but kind, guidance from Sue, I realized there is nothing wrong if you show how vulnerable you really are. It takes a lot of courage and it’s messy and painful, and there are tears involved.
But you come out stronger, wiser, respected, calm, and proud of yourself. Even if you failed. Because you know it's not that bad. You are still alive, and you have the guts to try again if needed, and you know it will be. Because it is you who is the hero in your life. And because you know you don't really need that wall. It was protecting you for a while, but it also blocked the light from coming in. And you could only see the light through the small cracks life made. And when you think about it, you only really lived when the light was shining through those cracks, and it was great!
And the funniest thing is, we already know all that! Creatrix just helps us remember and empowers us to change what is needed. Besides, it is very, very easy and sneaky too. We don't even know what is happening when suddenly we realize the change is there, and we cannot and will not go back. There are suddenly so many possibilities. And we wonder how we couldn't see this before.